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Tuesday, 30 December 2014

Think you're big do you?

The vid below puts things in perspective.

*I woz bored*

Wednesday, 24 December 2014

Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Another film that won't be released.

FOX News reported today that Walt Disney's new film called 'Jet Black,' the African-American version of 'Snow White' has been canceled.  All of the seven (7) dwarfs ”Dealer, Stealer, Mugger, Forger, Drive By, Homeboy, and Shank have refused to sing 'Hi Ho' because they say it offends Black prostitutes.  They also say they damn sure have no intention of singing, "It's off to work we go.

I'll be waiting for the knock on the door. Hopefully I've offended someone.

That's Christmas cancelled then.

It would appear that Santa has gone missing.

U.S. INTELLIGENCE has confirmed this evening that Santa Clause was shot down at 16:09 GMT by by Syrian forces while flying inside Syrian airspace, American officials have said.

Friday, 19 December 2014


‘Tis the time to be cheerful. Within limits, that is.


Take no notice of the limits. It’s Christmas.

Thursday, 18 December 2014

Maybe this will help you over the Christmas period?

The most important ingredient.


Statistics have shown….


And of course the favourite vegetable.


I’m in the green everytime.


Must get plenty of lip balm again this year.


Mine will be 20 please.




Tuesday, 16 December 2014

Australian terrorist attack.


If you’re interested in the background to the dead offender you might be interested to read

Fierce Pearce and the Fake Sheikh.

Written by Anna Raccoon.

Sunday, 14 December 2014

Frankfurt airport

Light years ahead of Gatwick or Heathrow

Of course even in the future you're not immune to the odd mishap

Saturday, 13 December 2014

Musical interlude.

Christmas music just got a lot more high brow after a choir of Oxford University students made this frightfully posh rendition of All I Want For Christmas is You.

Thursday, 11 December 2014

Wednesday, 10 December 2014

A musical topical interlude

A tribute to those who are serving on the Royal Fleet Auxiliary ship Argus which is currently moored off Sierra Leone.

I sailed on the Argus during the 2003 Gulf war in case you're interested in why I'm posting this.

Monday, 8 December 2014

So Fox hunting has finished.

They may have been driven out of the country by the Green townies, however the urbanites are reaping what they sowed.

Since hunting with horses and hounds was outlawed, farmers and landowners have had to resort to guns.

But it’s not just rural folk who are taking a bullet to the heads of foxes nowadays – Londoners are staging a fightback too.

For £75 for the first fox and £50 for each subsequent one caught, they can hire a man called Phil (he won’t give his last name through fear of reprisals) and his .22-calibre rifle to kill the vermin that tip over our bins and (allegedly) crawl into our children’s beds at night.

And look at the scale of the problem.

With more foxes in London (10,000) than there are buses, his services are in great demand.

He told the New York Times that he has repeat customers because within four days of a fox leaving an area, another one has moved in.

It’s not helped by people leaving food out for the foxes, bins being left so that they can be tipped over and compost piles being left open.

With thanks to the Metro.

Sunday, 7 December 2014

Sunday Silliness

Mathematics will save you from your past.


Lost a parcel?


Don’t care anymore? Then you must be my age.


Immigration rears it’s head.


Out of work?


Me when blogging and realising I’ve clicked the publish button too early.


Autumn statement?


And finally





Goodnight all.

Saturday, 6 December 2014

Now and Then (Part2) (Luddites are advised not to enter)

In a previous post I wrote about how things have changed in the home over the years. Tonight I thought I’d just post about how my work place changed over the years.

Ship’s Engine rooms past and present.

The past

Hot and Noisy

The only main propulsion was either steam powered or large diesel engines such as the one pictured below. A Doxford, opposed piston, trunk engine. Believe it or not, it was fitted with common fuel rail  injection.


Control of main engines and auxiliary machinery were all local control, usually comprising of large levers and hand wheels.

Electrical power was supplied by open commutator, diesel generators generating 115 volt DC power. The switchboards were also open fronted with large, manually operated, circuit breakers.

The manufacture of potable water was by means of flash evaporators which had to be supplied with steam and operated with a vacuum.

My first ship’s steam boiler was a Cochrane upright, fire tube boiler. The automated control of the water level and lighting of the burner was a “Fireman” armed with a steel pole, with the end wrapped in diesel soaked rags, and a box of matches.

Temperature control of all machinery was purely manual and relied on the watchkeeping engineer reading local thermometers and adjusting cooler byepasses as required.

Hours of work: The working day was split up into watches. The 8 –12 (working 8 in the morning to midday and 8 in the evening till midnight. get my drift?), the 12 –4, and the 4 – 8. The 8 – 12 was always considered the junior most watch and the 4 – 8 the senior watch. Why might you ask? Believe it or not it all revolved around the bar hours!

Health and safety. It was left to the individual whether he died or lived. It was up to you to look where you were going.

As an aside. Smoking. Allowed anywhere except on the deck of an oil tanker or in the hold of an ammunition carrying ship.

The present.

Still hot and noisy.

The main propulsion is Diesel Electric. Highly powered generators, driving a large electric motor driving a short shaft attached to the propeller.


Electrical power is now supplied by high powered diesel generators which supply the main propulsion and other large items of machinery with megawatts of power at voltages of 3.3kV AC and above.

My last ship was fitted with Reverse osmosis plants to provide potable water. These rather taxed my brain in it’s dotage. I actually had to open two valves and press “Start” on the touchscreen. Then sneak off for a cup of tea elsewhere.

Boilers. Nah. Electric water heaters.

Control. (Not just temperature) Everything was controlled by a centralised computer system situated in the luxury of an air conditioned control room. If the ship needed to go forwards, a half brain dead deck officer, only had to push a small lever forward and the vessel would go in that direction.

Hours of work became more civilised with automated machinery spaces. The working hours became 8 – 5 for all except one duty engineer of the day, who is on call outwith the working hours. Alarm box in the cabin and a pager. The down side is that they clamped down on the bar hours.

The health and safety committee tells you are safe.

Smoking prohibited in most areas. Interestingly my last ship was an oil tanker and the only smoking area allowed was on a portion of the open deck bereft of lights at night.


If there are any marine engineers who disagree or agree with this article, please feel free to comment.

And anyone else. I’m an equal opportunities Blog.

Friday, 5 December 2014

Wednesday, 3 December 2014

Your holiday flight?


Britain’s airport capacity problem could finally be solved, if an experimental launch of an EasyJet airliner from HMS Prince of Wales proves a success.

Head of defence staff Nicholas Houghton insisted that commercial flights between aircraft carriers would allow runways to be moved if there were complaints, and save everyone the bother of having to drive to London.

“Aircraft carriers can adapt to changes in demand”, insisted Houghton. “You can sail one down to Gibraltar if anyone wants to visit there, or divert them to the Falklands if they fancy having a look at a penguin.”

The General pointed out that building ‘just a dozen or so’ new aircraft carriers would serve as a warning to rogue nations that armies of obnoxious tourists could be deployed anywhere in the world.

Using a modified launch ramp that can handle 300 passengers and up to 15 tonnes of duty-free, HMS Prince of Wales can now launch holiday makers with less than 40 seconds warning.

Houghton admitted that passengers would need to adapt slightly before they use the new facility.

“It’s a simple matter of taking the Queen’s shilling”, he explained. “We’re talking about less than 18 weeks basic training, learning how to hold your rum and then swimming a width wearing pyjamas”, he explained.

A spokesman from EasyJet pointed out that the mobility of aircraft carriers might occasionally mean a last-minute change in destination.

“If that happens we can arrange a transfer through our sister company, EasyPedalo”, said George Otway. “But at least you’ll have half a chance of arriving in the country you chose, which is a lot better than you’d get with Ryanair.”

Passengers on the first trial spoke of some difficulties, particularly as the location of their departure aircraft carrier was a closely guarded secret.

“We were flown out here on a rendition flight via Libya, and we’ve had nothing to do for 72 hours”, said one couple. “Our hand luggage has been stolen, there’s bullet holes in our suitcase and the scenery is just one depressing sea of grey. So overall, it’s about the same as flying out of Luton.”

Book now.

Tuesday, 2 December 2014

You want a “smart” meter? Think again.

A well written website report about the shambles of the rollout by DECC.

A couple of choice paragraphs.

Last week the UK’s Department of Energy and Climate Change announced that the UK’s smart metering deployment was facing another 12 months delay.  That’s 18 months after they announced that the UK’s smart metering deployment was facing another 12 months’ delay.  This is not all bad news.  It means that the growing population of consultants within DECC can look forward to what is fast becoming a never-ending gravy train of consultancy work, public consultations and project reviews.  For the consumer it’s likely to mean even more unnecessary costs heaped onto future energy bills.  But not until after the next election, so nobody in Westminster really cares.

Despite the charade of one step forward, one step backwards, we still don’t know whether the deployment will have any practical value.  There is no EU mandate for it – individual countries need to show that smart metering is cost effective.  The first DECC survey showed it was not, but DECC mandarins then fudged the numbers (not my phrase, but that of an involved MP), since when they’ve spent a considerable amount of time and effort in concealing what’s behind their calculations.  The approach of “DECC knows best” has resulted in the most complex and expensive smart metering scheme in the world, which appears to be beyond the ability of both suppliers and utilities to deliver.

Read the whole post and weep.