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Friday, 30 September 2011


Just thoughts of an old marine engineer in these troubling times.  reassurance.


woman on beach


Woman is a man's best friend.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels that he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.


wonder woman


No wait...... sorry...... I'm thinking of beer. Bugger.




Its beer that does all that.


Alternative computer repair

You don’t even need a screwdriver.

Much loved by those of the green persuasion

Text message

Another one of those pesky text messages.

Records passed to us show you are entitled to a refund of approximately £2370 in compensation from the mis-selling of PPI on your credit card or Loan. Reply PPI.

My erudite reply, bearing in mind that the keys, P & I seem to be broken on my phone, was………..







Thursday, 29 September 2011


Worried about losing your job?

Worried about the fall of the value of your savings due to inflation?

Worried about your investments dropping through the stock market floor?

Worried that you can’t afford to heat your home this winter, AND eat?

Worried that you’re going to fry due to Global Warming? (No actually. I just put that in to placate the warmists).

Worried that the nation can’t defend itself due to the defence cuts?

These pale into insignificance if you’re the PRIME MINISTER of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.


plastic bags

Britain’s biggest supermarkets are today given an ultimatum by the Prime Minister: Radically reduce  the number of plastic bags you hand out by choice, or I will force you to by law.

I was going to call him an idiot, but that would be a slur on idiots. He is below idiot level. (Is a cretin lower than an idiot?)

The Prime Minister says it is ‘unacceptable’ that the number of single-use carrier bags rose last year by 333million – a 5 per cent increase from the previous year. Environmental campaigners say the bags, used for only 20 minutes on average, take up to 1,000 years to degrade.

Well I for one, applaud the carrier bag manufacturers for increasing their sales by 5%. I sure other businesses would love that growth.

Who says that carrier bags are only used once? Where do they get those figures? I for one use the same carrier bag many times whilst trudging up to the local shop to replenish the whisky stocks. (Without which, this post would not be written. You can’t really believe the drivel I write on this blog can be done sober, can you?).

Who knows that they can last 1,000 years? Are there teams of archaeologists digging up old Roman carrier bags, whilst we speak? When is the exhibition going to be held in the British museum? Are we going to see a 500 year old plastic bag going for mega bucks on the antiques road show?

Mr Camermong. You should be trying to run the country, not sucking up to the Daily Mail, and trying to garner votes from those of a so called green persuasion.


* Trudges of into the other room to pour out another whisky*

What the papers say

True Reports from British life ........!!!


Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, 'We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.'
(The Daily Telegraph)

Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.
(The Manchester Evening News)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common'.
(The Times)

At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
( Aberdeen Evening Express)

Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled -
'He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.''
( Bournemouth Evening Echo)

Mmmmmm. What else can I find?

Peter Oborne on “That Idiot from Brussels”

You can watch a short clip here.

Or you can see the whole thing here at Newsnight.

Wednesday, 28 September 2011


Describing in a reasoned way, why he considers the whole AGW debate to be a political ideology.

He Blogs at The Daily Telegraph.

Engineering Laws


1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3..Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

4.. Law of Random Numbers- If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5.. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre..

6.. Variation Law - If you change  traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7..Law of the Bath-
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8..Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9..Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10.Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11..Law of the Theatre-  At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance is over. The people in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. . The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12.The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14.Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15... Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

My Law- If I write a blog post on a subject, someone will always write a better article about it on their blog

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

The new face of evil

This woman is going to drive millions into poverty just when we need to get  out of the hole we are in.

Of course she has a science background. No I thought not.

She was born and grew up in Wales,[3] and graduated in English literature at Queens' College,

And of course as I would expect she has no real idea of the real world. This is her CV.

In the mid 1990s, she worked for an environmental charity, and by 2000 had moved to work for Friends of the Earth as a climate change campaigner. She then worked for the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, implementing public awareness campaigns and helping draft the Climate Change Bill, before becoming head of government relations for the energy company, Scottish and Southern Energy. She left to form Sandbag in 2008.[5]

I find the next, truly disgusting. Our newly elected PM sucked up to this woman just to try and gain party dominance in elections.

But, then something changed, we then had a newly elected leader of the opposition. So David Cameron came in and wanted to reinvent the Conservative Party. And he decided to take an environmental theme. He changed the logo to a tree and he’d obviously listened to the focus groups. He’d realised that the environment was actually an issue for the electorate. So he was lobbied by the Friends of the Earth and he said, “Yeah, I’ll deliver you a Climate Change Act. If you vote me in I’ll give you the bill you want that will bring in this legal framework.” And that was hugely important, that Friends of the Earth campaign that enabled that got the opposition to take up this policy was really important.

I’ll now let you watch the video in peace. If you have the stomach to watch propaganda at work.

If you want to instead read the entire transcript, nip over to Bishop Hill

Beware of Greeks with Trojan Horses



Sorry Miss.

Some excuses from kids that didn’t do their Homework

Note the spelling and Grammar.

Sorry Miss, I thort that I didn’t now that we had to wight sentinis as well.


I am reely sorry that I have no handed my home work in At the corect time and I should de more organased and more responnsadal for my own home work.


I will cope ever think think thick(My note: You got it right the first time) you rate on the bord sorry miss.


my orginiseing was atrotious. I am very sorry you had to waste time at breake. I will make sure this never happen again.

Last one.

dear Miss XXXXXXXXxX I am sorry for not doing my homework just wrote the wrong date down it will never happen agian I just did not liston to ensusions (?) and did not write in properly


We wonder why we have so many jobless at the moment? These were all written by secondary school pupils.

I actually found it quite difficult to transpose those from the written word into this post.

Monday, 26 September 2011

Sunday, 25 September 2011

The hell of trudging


Nothing but trouble. Mine should have been drowned at birth.

That got your attention.

It would seem to be the fashion these days to have milestone birthday celebrations in a style that I was never accustomed to. In my day you invited people round to your residence with the stern command of “Bring a bottle”. whereupon you went out, bought the cheapest plonk available, and then consumed whatever you fancied. Then everyone went home.


You’re invited to a do, in a pub in the middle of nowhere, and expected to buy high price liquor, which you normally wouldn’t even entertain. (Bloody hell. I’ve gone into rambling mode already). However the worst is yet to come. After spending the whole evening drinking far too much, the truly awful consequences are revealed that night. Mrs FE has told all of the Daughters, Brother’s in Law, Nieces, son’s, etc. , that they can all stay at FE towers for the night.

Apart from the fact that the whisky lake is now looking like the surface of Mars, the buggers wanted a “Cooked Breakfast” this morning.

First is the gentle command (Demand) by Mrs FE, “We need more bacon”. Off I trudge up the road and procure said pork product.

On returning from my imitation of a polar expedition (I had a head like a nuclear reaction), I’m met with the request(order), “we need some orange juice”.

Trudging continues.

very concerned shop girl

trudges back.

“We need more bacon.”

trudges back to the shop (Shop Staff now very worried that FE might die )

That was breakfast over with.


“We need some wine”.

Trudging now has become equivalent  to some punishment in the 9th circle of hell.

All’s well, that ends well.(Does it buggery)

Wine procured .

“Can you see if the shop has some garlic”? That is not a question when it comes from your betrothed.


Main course complete. Roast lamb very nice.

Pudding was either rhubarb crumble or ice cream. FE’s favourites.

But trudging was on the Agenda again.

“Can you see if the shop has any cream?”


Anyhoo they’ve all left. time for a whisky.


I need to go and lie down.

Tough Love vs. Spanking - Good Argument

Some people think it improper to spank children, so I have tried other methods to control my kids when they have one of 'those moments.'

One that I found effective is for me to just take the child for a car ride and talk.

Some say it's the vibration from the car, others say it's the time away from any distractions such as TV, Video Games, Computer, IPod, etc.

Either way, kids usually calm down and stop misbehaving after our car ride together.  Eye to eye contact helps a lot too.

I've included a photo below of one of my sessions with my son, in case you would like to use the technique.










child on car

It worked for my kids.

Saturday, 24 September 2011

They’re doing it again

It would appear that Facebook doesn’t like me posting about corrupt Politicians as I stated in my Post yesterday.

Here’s another one they blocked. I wonder why?

Could be it’s a few sweary words.



Friday, 23 September 2011


The Angry Exile is doomed I say.

The trajectory of the falling satellite that’s in the news, seems to me to be getting closer and closer to eastern Australia.



Here can be found danger. Refresh the screen as required


A public service broadcast from TFE.

A new particle is found.

The death knell of AGW will be sounded if this article gets out into the open. Forget about fast neutrinos found at CERN. This is much greater discovery.

'Forget AGW:  what’s Al Gore got to say about wind-turbine-sourced free roton emissions?  Notice all the tornadoes this past summer? Direct correlation.  Yet government roton-emission standards are tied up in committee hearings.

From Wikipedia:

. . . the science remains sketchy, occupying the no-man’s-land between Newtonian physics and quantum mechanics.  In basic terms, a free roton is a quantum –a packet—of angular momentum, released from any unshielded rotating mass (a barber pole; a merry-go-round).  Nearby ungrounded objects can absorb these until a tipping point –the Spinner Threshold*—is crossed.  Free rotons are mostly absorbed by the circumambient air, resulting in wind vortices of varying size.  Effects on exposed human subjects were first observed in Holland (for obvious reasons) and can range from dizziness to “augering”.

*Named for James Spinner 1881-1919, who made the first measurements of free rotons.  It is believed that Spinner himself succumbed to a fatal dosage (>100 whirlies) while conducting experiments with a ceiling fan, causing him to auger through the floor of his home in Devonshire.  His body was never recovered.

Hey, if Al Gore's allowed to make stuff up, then so am I.'

Australian CO2

A nice little presentation below which puts the whole “CO2 is killing the planet” in perspective.

It’s the money, you see.

Strange message.

I was just looking through my blog stats and wondered what this referring link was about.

The Cloud Networks ( [Label IP Address]

Oh what NOW!: Save me from pontificating MPs

So being a curious sort of person I clicked on it.

This is what appeared on the screen.

It’s from Facebook


We recommend not visiting this link as it could be harmful to your computer or Facebook account. If you choose to visit, do not download software or enter your Facebook password.To learn more about staying safe on the internet, visit Facebook's Security Page. Please also read the Wikipedia articles on malware and phishing.

Facebook © 2011 ·

Now yes, my posts do appear on my Facebook page. But I object to being classed as Malware. I am demeaned. I would prefer to be classed as a virulent virus attacking the political system.

Am I being subjected to censorship?

Another link

Comes up with. Access denied.

If I had a tinfoil hat.




I just wonder if this Blog has surfaced on the politically correct radar. If so, it’s game on.

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Drink and be Happy. At a minimum price.

Scottish publicans reveal fears for trade.

One in five publicans has considered quitting the business, according to a new report.

The research, commissioned by brewers Molson Coors, found that in rural areas a higher proportion - a third - had thought of selling up or closing down in the last six months.

More than half of those questioned see the prospects for the industry as poor over the next five years.

Researchers say there has already been a steep decline in the business.

Could it be because of the smoking ban?

And the Scottish Licensed Trade Association said the law change had resulted in the closure of hundreds of pubs and the loss of thousands of jobs.

Its chief executive, Paul Waterson, said the predicted upturn in new customers attracted by smoke-free pubs had "simply not materialised".

He conceded other factors - such as the economic downturn and low supermarket prices for alcohol - would have been a factor in the 800 Scottish pub closures.

But he added: "The starting point for all of this is around the time of the smoking ban."

He said the fifth anniversary should be the time for a rethink of the ban and called for the legislation to be changed to allow some pubs to have smoking rooms, to encourage customers back.

And their answer to it all.

Minimum price

Many publicans gave evidence to the report's compilers that they had concerns for the industry as a whole, yet they were more likely to be positive about their own prospects, with 56% saw their own business prospects as being good over the next five years.

The SNP government plans to introduce a minimum price for drink in a bid to tackle the problems associated with alcohol abuse in Scotland.

Today's research revealed that consumers and publicans were split on the likely effect of the plans. When it came to consumers, 42% felt it would be negative step, while 39% said its introduction would have a positive impact.

Fifty-seven percent of licensees believe it would have a beneficial impact on Scotland, but would do little to help their business. They stand to benefit from cheap drink in shops being pushed up in price.

That’ll work. Not.

What’s to stop a major supermarket chain setting up multiple booze stores just South of the Scottish border. (If someone wants to lend me a couple of million………..). As far as I know there are no border controls between Jockland and England yet. Really not thought out at all.

I shall now have a large whisky on the strength of the fact that the Tartan Brigade have voted in the wrong crowd.

Frakking great

Well I would hope so, if Huhne and his green sycophants can be kept at bay.

Cuadrilla Resources believes there are 200 trillion cubic feet of "shale" gas in the Bowland basin, which could result in a Lancashire gas boom creating 5,600 jobs at peak production.

Shale is a type of onshore gas common in the US, which is extracted by blasting apart rock in a process called fracking.

More testing is needed, but the estimates suggest Britain could have more shale gas than Poland, which has been considered Europe's biggest holder of probable reserves.

Others have calculated that this could make us gas sufficient for the next 30 years.

A bit of an explanation can be found Here on what it is.

Unconventional gas is the collective term used to describe tight gas, shale gas and/or coal bed methane (CBM). While conventional gas resources can be developed and produced without any special well completions, most unconventional gas production requires the rock to be fractured (“fracked”) or stimulated to allow gas to escape from the tight rock and flow through the wellbore to the surface. These special well completions made drilling for unconventional gas uneconomical for many years.

Toward the end of the 20th century, the combination of two existing technologies – horizontal drilling and hydraulic fracturing – shifted unconventional gas production into the main stream. Learn more about how unconventional gas is extracted with our interactive animation.

The potential of shale gas, tight gas and CBM has been known for centuries, with the first shale gas wells drilled in the 1820s. However, it is only with recent technological improvements that extracting the resources has become an economically viable option.

Currently, natural gas has approximately 60 years of proven reserves at current demand levels, but according to the International Energy Agency (IEA), this rises to more than 250 years if the unconventional gas potential is added. Clearly, unconventional gas may play a large part in ensuring the security of global energy supply for years to come.

If only we could make our Politicians see sense. I’m all for conservation, but how do we do that if we bankrupt ourselves on the Altar of green crap?

Thank you, Thank you.

(Over the top gushing, suitable of an Oscar winner)




I see to my horror that some person or persons nominated this blog for a Total Politics blog  award.

This Blog has a ranking in the top 100 Non-aligned Blog Category. Alright It’s only 89th (Note to self: Must do better)

Still this Humble Blogger (Now I’m really spouting bullshit) wouldn’t have received this reward without someone nominating me.

So Thank you one and all.  *Bows*

Blog award

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

It’s Wednesday in Wales


On a beautiful summer's day, two English tourists were driving through Wales .....

At the town of :


They stopped for lunch, and one of the tourists asked the very blonde Welsh waitress, "Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us.

Can you pronounce where we are, very, very, very slowly?"

The girl leaned over and said,"Burrr.... Gerrr.... King."



Tuesday, 20 September 2011

Save me from pontificating MPs


MPs have called for a drastic reform of the pub industry to stop locals closing at an "alarming" rate.

In a strongly-worded report, the Business Select Committee criticised the large pub companies which run most of the country's pubs, so-called pubcos, saying self-regulation had failed.

The committee said that after being given a number of chances to change the way it runs the business, pubcos should now be subjected to statutory regulation.

That statutory regulation you want to bring in? Look at the last one you brought in. The smoking ban. Have you not thought that, that in itself, has done the most damage to the hospitality industry?

Maybe you haven’t read this you muppets.

Almost three years after the introduction of smoking bans in the three countries, Scotland had
lost 7.1% of its pub estate (467 pubs), Wales 7.3% (274), and England 7.6% (4,148). Scotland,
which introduced a smoking ban a year earlier lost a further 4% of its pub estate in the fourth
year after the ban, mirroring a similar decline in Ireland (11%) which banned smoking in pubs in
Total pub losses in England, Scotland and Wales since the introduction of smoking bans in all
three countries are in excess of 5,500.
According to CR Consulting’s report, which was commissioned by the Save Our Pubs & Clubs
campaign, “While there is significant variation in the trajectories of pub closures before the ban,
there is an almost total correlation between the three countries after the ban.
“This indicates that they are affected by a strong common factor ‐ the smoking ban. The
correlation is in fact so close that the trend line for the three countries is identical.”

I would suggest that you MPs and your so called select committees butt out and do what you do best. The only problem is the only thing I think you have any expertise in, is fiddling your expenses and being professional liars.

I used to go to a local pub every Sunday before the smoking ban and had to fight my way to the bar. Now I rarely go once every three months. last Sunday I went. There were only five others in the pub, one of which was the barman. The other three were with me.

Just get out into the real world outside the Westminster bubble and speak to real people. Get away from your sycophants, and your lackeys in the MSM (a certain Nick Robinson from the BBC springs to mind) if you want to find out why pubs and clubs are closing at an alarming rate.

God give me strength. I truly hate the cunts. My MP hasn’t the decency to even acknowledge my correspondence. Yes you, John Stanley, you waste of space.

Guy Fawkes had the right idea. Roll on November the fifth. (or should that be filth)

Australia. You've got six days to stop this nonsense

 Labor plants poison pills in carbon tax
IT was Mark Dreyfus QC, Parliamentary Secretary for Climate Change, who let the cat out of the bag.
Once the carbon change legislation is in place, he said, repeal would amount to an acquisition of property by the commonwealth, as holders of emissions permits would be deprived of a valuable asset. As a result, the commonwealth would be liable, under s.51(xxxi) of the Australian Constitution, to pay compensation, potentially in the billions of dollars. A future government would therefore find repeal prohibitively costly.
That consequence is anything but unintended. The clean energy legislation, released this week, specifically provides that “a carbon unit (its generic term for a right to emit) is personal property”.
This, the government says, is needed to give certainty to long-term trades. But that claim makes little sense, for even without such protections there are flourishing markets for fishing quotas and other tradeable entitlements.
 2GB Media Player - Professor Henry Ergas on the carbon tax

If I was an Australian, I'd be very afraid. 

H/T to Jo Nova

Energy bills

I’ve just found a Blog called The People's Democratic Republic of South Lanarkshire and I came across this post.
It gives an insight into how much more we’re paying for our energy due to the Government’s Green Iniatives.
The paragraphs below are from my energy supplier, Scottish Power.

Social Initiatives

In 2009, the Government introduced a new Community Energy Savings Programme (CESP).
This scheme obliges energy suppliers and electricity generators to pay for energy efficiency measures to be installed in low income areas to permanently reduce vulnerable customers’ fuel bills and reduce carbon emissions. It is estimated that this 3 year programme will cost the energy industry £350m. In addition, between 1st April 2011 and 31st March 2015 energy suppliers in Great Britain are obligated to spend a total of £1.14 billion assisting vulnerable and fuel poor customers through the Warm Home Discount Scheme. The cost of meeting both of these obligations is included in your energy prices.
Why am I obliged to pay to assist “vulnerable and fuel poor customers”?  That certainly was not stated in the Contract I signed.

Renewable Energy

Under the Renewables Obligation all major energy suppliers in Great Britain are required to obtain a certain percentage of the electricity that they sell to customers from renewable sources. Like other energy companies, we include the cost of meeting this obligation in your electricity price.
That’s your obligation, not mine. I don’t see why I should pay for it.

Carbon Emissions Reduction Target (CERT)

CERT is the main government policy aimed at reducing carbon emissions by improving the energy efficiency of households in Great Britain.
It obliges all of the big energy suppliers to deliver energy efficiency measures like loft and cavity wall insulation to homes across Great Britain. Many of these measures are discounted and in some cases are provided free of charge and it is estimated that delivering this policy will cost the energy industry £5.5 billion in the period between 2008 and 2012. Like other energy companies we include an allowance for the cost of meeting this objective in your energy prices.
My house already has loft insulation and I have no cavities in my walls. So why do I have to take on this extra cost? Again this was never stated in my contract.
So the little missive below is about to be sent

Scottish Power

name and address 

Dear Sir/Madam: 
Reference:  account number 

I contact you in relation to the ‘Government obligations’ charge applied to my electricity bill. 

It is my understanding that your company use this money to fund the renewable energy conditions placed on you
by the UK Government. This legally binding contract between the UK Government and the energy companies
should not infringe my legal rights in any way, without my express written permission being sought. 

I have checked my records and I’m unable to find any correspondence from your company requesting my
express permission, either written or orally, to apply this charge to my electricity bill. Taking this into
consideration, I advise you of the following: 

i. I am of the opinion that the 6% charge placed on my electricity bill by Scottish Power is in violation of
Regulation 5(1) of the Unfair Terms in Consumer Contracts Regulations 1999 (as amended). It is my
intention to recover all monies paid to your company for the ‘government obligations’ charge from and including
January 1st 2002.
ii. I advise you that I exercise my legal rights under the provisions of Regulation 8 of the Unfair Terms in
Consumer Contracts Regulations 1999 (as amended). I am sure you are aware that the provisions of this
regulation provide that an unfair term shall not be binding upon the consumer. 

 I therefore expect a complete refund in respect of these charges that you have levied without my permission.

I look forward to your earliest response. 

Yours sincerely 

The Filthy Engineer

Now I’m off to U-switch
Sorry abot the Formatting. 

Monday, 19 September 2011

I’m going to get a letter.

Energy giants have been ordered to write to millions of customers to tell them how to cut their bills.

As the cost of gas and electricity soars, energy minister Greg Barker is demanding that utility chiefs send the letters, emails or texts before winter explaining how customers could move to a cheaper tariff.

He said: "Energy companies should be in no doubt as to our determination to see this through and get a better deal for millions of ripped off customers.

Well Greg me old mate, here’s how it is. I’m already on the lowest Tariff and it’s fucking huge. And here’s who caused it to be in part, so big. One of your cabinet colleagues no less. Huhne the Green Buffoon.

Energy Secretary Chris Huhne has said that some families shop around more for a "£25 toaster" than they do for energy bills of more than £1,000. Experts say many households could cut their bills by about £200.

I think that quite a bit of my increase this year is due to the Government’s green obsession with wind turbines Bird Mincers and solar panels. You honestly don’t think that the energy companies are not going to pass on their green costs to the consumer, do you? If so you are a bigger fool than I thought you were. Remember those feed in Tariffs?

I seriously wonder about the sanity of our ministers. How can making our energy so expensive be good for our economy?. If I have to spend more on energy I’ve less money to spend  on goods and therefore deny businesses of my cash.

Oh and don’t even think of trying to coerce me into having a so called “Smart Meter”. I’m smart enough to read my own meters, thank you very much.


Trimming the Fat.

It would seem that some councils and NHS trusts are now deciding that their obesity programmes are too expensive to carry on with.

A weight-loss programme that has helped thousands of obese children is being scrapped by some cash-strapped trusts.

There is too much state interference in how we live as it is.

Of course we have the howls of anguish coming from those anxious to keep their jobs at any cost.

Rachael McGrath, from Mend, warned that evidence-based obesity programmes are vital in preventing children developing chronic diseases such as diabetes. She said: "Being overweight in childhood is one of the biggest risks to a child's current and future health.

Children who are above a healthy weight are much more likely to become obese adults and are at a greater risk of developing chronic diseases such as Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and some types of cancer. With obesity already costing the NHS £4.2 billion each year, it's critical to continue investing in child obesity services."

Here’s some of their Funding partners.

  • Big Lottery Fund

  • Department of Health (West Midlands)

  • Department of Work and Pensions

  • National Skills Academy

  • National Sports Foundation

  • Sport England

  • Welsh Assembly Government

Unfortunately I can’t find anywhere on their site that shows their accounts.

In my opinion there is enough material out in the wild about how we can live healthier without a need for these parasites. It should be the parents taking responsibility for their Children. Not abrogating their responsibility to outsiders.

Now if the councils could also get rid of their “Smoking Cessation Officers”, “Outreach Co-coordinators” (Whatever they are?), & “Alcohol Awareness Partners, we could all live in a happier, and more responsible world where we make our own decisions about our life style.

Sunday, 18 September 2011

Serious Blogging. Grrrrrrrrh


I’ve just been trying to write one of my occasional serious posts. I wish I could be like other Bloggers that rattle out an erudite post in the twinkling of an eye, or so it seems. I find I need to hit the whisky bottle to succeed. however the inspiration level doesn’t kick in till half the bottle has gone. By that time the screen is blurred and my fingers start typing in Aramaic.

Answers on a postcard to:

Drunk Blogger

1, slumped over desk



Or by caustic remarks in the comments.

Beer Study!!

This will get you worried!! Even I can conduct scientific studies using the same as methodology as Alcohol concern.

beer bottle


Beer contains female hormones.

Last month, Wits University and RAU scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain Phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.


beer glass


It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects :

beer can 

1) Argued over nothing.
2) Refused to apologise when obviously wrong.
3) Gained weight.
4) Talked excessively without making sense.
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn't drive.
7) Failed to think rationally.
8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

Do I get a Nobel Prize for this?

Saturday, 17 September 2011

The New world order.

Who said this and when?

It would seem that humans need a common motivation, namely a common adversary, to organize and act together in the vacuum; such a motivation must be found to bring the divided nations together to face an outside enemy, either a real one or else one invented for the purpose.
New enemies therefore have to be identified.
New strategies imagined, new weapons devised.
The common enemy of humanity is man.
In searching for a new enemy to unite us, we came up with the idea that pollution, the threat of global warming, water shortages, famine and the like would fit the bill. All these dangers are caused by human intervention, and it is only through changed attitudes and behaviour that they can be overcome. The real enemy then, is humanity itself.
The old democracies have functioned reasonably well over the last 200 years, but they appear now to be in a phase of complacent stagnation with little evidence of real leadership and innovation
Democracy is not a panacea. It cannot organize everything and it is unaware of its own limits. These facts must be faced squarely. Sacrilegious though this may sound, democracy is no longer well suited for the tasks ahead. The complexity and the technical nature of many of today’s problems do not always allow elected representatives to make competent decisions at the right time.







The Club of Rome in 1972.

Friday, 16 September 2011

Men Are Just Happier People


· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and Shit for Brains.


· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


· A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.

· A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.


· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


· A woman has the last word in any argument.

· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


· A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

· A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bin, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


· Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!


A man and a woman who had never  met  before,
But who were both married to other people
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping
room on a trans-continental  train.



Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over
sharing a room, they were both very  tired  and
fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth
and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned  down and gently woke
the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm  sorry to bother you,
but would you be willing to reach into the closet
to get me a  second  blanket?  I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied "Just for tonight,
let's pretend  that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!", he exclaimed.

"'Good", she replied "Get  your own f….ing  blanket."
After a moment of  silence, he  farted.

The   End

H/T to David

Thursday, 15 September 2011

Wet celery. Oh dear

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says "Hello!"

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper
from the bachelor party that I had wild sex with on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner
whipped my butt with wet celery?'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher!


Your favourite tipples from around the world.


Just a little experiment to see who actually googles the Drinkaware website

My fat Public service pension

I listened to the whining yesterday from the public sector unions about how they were being subjected in the future to massive increases in their pension payments. Of course they wheeled on a poor downtrodden teacher who intimated that she would have to pay another £200 per month into her pension. Absolute rot.

I should know how much the cost would be, as actually I’m in  receipt of one of those civil service pensions. (I’m glad I got that out of the way, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t storm FE towers calling for my immediate burning at the stake).

This teacher must be on a very high salary, by my calculations about £90,000 if the 3% rise in contributions is implemented.

What strikes me about these muppets is that they have no idea how featherbedded they are. A maximum of a 43 hour week, 30 days holiday per year, (Ooodles more if you’re a teacher) and almost no possibility of the sack.  (I should know. It took me two years before I managed to get rid of a complete incompetent).

I’ve worked alongside civil servants in the Ministry of Defence and it was like living in parallel universes. They had a strict hours regime of 43 hours per week. Mine were in the region of 54 at the least, just to keep the ships I was looking after, functioning at the basic level. In fact when on-board said ships my weekly hours were regularly 70  or more.

What made matters worse, was the attitude of these servants of the crown. It was an attitude that had no recognition that they, by their laissez faire working, they might actually be prejudicing peoples lives.



A suckler on the teat of the crown.

*Note to self. Re-inforce the doors.

PS. I presume that when all these “public servants” go on strike, I’ll be able to claim back some of my council tax for services not rendered.

Fuck me I’ve just seen a squadron of flying pigs overhead.


Yesterday I sent this E mail to my council

Dear Sir/ Madam
Please supply information on the number of Summonses and Liability Orders issued by the Council in respect of Council Tax, for each of the financial years since April 1992 to the present, itemised separately by year and document type, and the total sums charged for each year, again itemised separately by year and document type.

Yours Faithfully

The Filthy Engineer

This is the reply I received this morning.

Dear Luke

Thank you for your email regarding data for your coursework.

I have forwarded your email to the Freedom of Information department, in order that they can respond to your enquiry.

For further information regarding this enquiry please contact the department directly, their contact details are:-

Kind regards


Customer Service Advisor

For a start my name is not Luke and I’d like to know what course I’m supposed to be doing.

Wednesday, 14 September 2011

Cows and global warming. The game’s afoot.

I gather Al Gore, High priest of AGW, is calling for all us to make this a day of action on climate change.

I think you will prefer this instead.

The Collegians For A Constructive Tomorrow call for a day of genuine “climate realism,” instead. CFACT Collegians are responding with a bit of online levity.

CFACT’s Methane Madness game trains online players to help “Pal Gore” control the climate by corking cows and watching them float away. Methane is more potent than CO2 as a greenhouse gas but less than 1% of atmospheric greenhouse gases come from cattle. Even so, radical climate campaigners call for shutting down our cattle and dairy industries, along with much of the rest our economy. They’d even like us to go vegan.

So I give you this courtesy of WUWT.


Methane Madness or kill them darn cows.

Much more fun in my opinion.

The latest Game show

Good Day and welcome to a brand new edition of 'ASYLUM'.

Today's program features another chance to take part in our exciting competition: HIJACK AN AIRLINER and win A COUNCIL HOUSE !
We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor, The British Taxpayer.

And don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet.
Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid British Passport, and you only need one word of English: ASYLUM'

Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at £180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging, burgling, and accosting drivers at traffic lights.
This competition is open to everyone buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry companies or Eurostar.
No application ever refused - reasonable or unreasonable. All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password: 'ASYLUM'

A few years ago, 140 members of a Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury £200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel. They joined tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over Britain .......
Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of Dover and the world famous Toddington Services area, in Historic Bedfordshire.

If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget, there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience
Just apply for legal aid. Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help – FREE. It won't cost you a penny. It could change your life forever. So play today.

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil Tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas...the list is endless

Get along to the airport ! Get along to the lorry park !
Get along to the ferry terminal ! Don't stop in Germany or France ! All European countries will willingly speed you on your way !
Come straight to Britain
And you are:
**** GUARANTEED ****
to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the easiest game on earth. Everyone's a winner, when they play


I don’t think our politicians have been watching it though.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011


I  had a cheap Nissan Micra as a second car. This car was used to get my son through his driving test and subsequently was used by him to travel to work.

The long and short of it was, that the little run around, became terminally ill, and my son decided to buy another car and decided to insure it in his own name, He needed to build up a  no claims bonus.

All well and good you might say.


I rang the insurance company that purported to to be customer friendly and asked to cancel the insurance. Of course I could, said the semi trained English language graduate(Reading from a script). However I would have to pay a cancellation fee of £50.

I’ve also got to send back the insurance certificate. As far as I’m concerned the £50 entitles me to that piece of paper.

Still being a law abiding member of the public , I shall send it back to them.

1. Large Jiffy bag

2. Certificate will be shredded in the name of security

3. Just in case terrorists might try to intercept and use it, the jiffy bag will be filled with 2 kg of lead sheet that I have surplus to requirements.

4. Oh dear. I forgot to pay for the postage.


Zurich Insurance. Don’t even think about trying to sell me any insurance , ever.

The unusual history of long established British sayings / remarks / customs etc :-

There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London , which used to have a gallows adjacent to it. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course) to be hanged. The horse-drawn dray, carting the prisoner, was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ''ONE LAST DRINK''.

If he said YES, it was referred to as ONE FOR THE ROAD.

If he declined, that prisoner was ON THE WAGON.

So there you go.  Now read on ...........

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were "piss poor", but worse than that were the really poor folk, who couldn't even afford to buy a pot, they "Didn't have a pot to piss in" and were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be........

Facts about the 1500s:

Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell a bit, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. So a piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold. (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: ''Peas pudding hot, peas pudding cold, peas pudding in the pot, nine days old''.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over they would hang up their bacon, to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "Bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around talking and ''chewing the fat''.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous!

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, while head of the house and his guests got the top, or ''The Upper Crust''.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around eating and drinking while waiting to see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of ''Holding a Wake''.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people, so they would dig up coffins, take the bones to a bone-house and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realised they had been burying people alive! So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, thread it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus someone could be either, ''Saved by the Bell '', or was considered a ''Dead Ringer''

And that's the truth.

Now, whoever said history was boring ! ! !

Another Public service announcement.


H/T to David Wheeler

Monday, 12 September 2011

Zil Lanes

I’m just glad that I don’t live in central London a rely on a car to go about my business. At least next year.

Unprecedented measures include road closures for official Olympic access only; pedestrianisation near sports venues and side streets shut for London 2012 operations.

Analysis also reveals that the Olympic-only lanes form only a fraction of the routes restricted for Games purposes.

It will be a wake-up call for commuters and business who are being urged by transport chiefs to plan now to avoid potential disruption.

It bad enough driving in London now.

The central zone forms part of the 109-mile Olympic Route Network which is designed to guarantee travel times between venues for athletes, media, officials and VIPs.

Personally I think the routes should only be for the athletes. The media, officials and so called VIP’s should practise a bit of time management like the rest of us will have to do.


Figures provided by TfL show:

79 banned turns along the ORN to speed up traffic.

48 pedestrian crossings suspended.

256 parking bays affected - 120 suspended, 27 relocated and 109 with adjusted hours of operation outside the ORN (6am to midnight).


I wish Londoners luck next year.

Sunday, 11 September 2011

Hotels. (Spit)

What is it with British Hotels? Why is it that all seem to conform to a low standard?

Last night I stayed in one such establishment. The advertising Blurb for our “Luxury Double bedroom” no way lived up to expectations.

Four Poster bed was the main theme. Now I expect a large room with a huge bed nestling in the centre. Nope. How can a bed with a faux canopy over the head end, possibly be called “Four Poster”. Where were the other two posts? (I wonder if I can get a rebate?)

How can it be called luxurious, if you have to be as slim as a pencil to negotiate round said bed?

Of course there was the En Suite. The usual cheap as chips shower, over an old bath, and surely they could have afforded a toilet roll holder? (Maybe I’m being a bit picky here).

Chintz furnishings? Oh so last century.

Why should I have to rebuild the bedside lamp?

The usual tea and coffee making facility. It’s a pity the kettle didn’t work. Is their no professionalism, in that it might be an idea if they checked these things in advance?

Surely they could supply me with a front door key? It’s not much fun having to find your way round to the back of the hotel in the dark and enter via the fire exit.

Breakfast. Don’t get me started. Tea and Coffee. Great. Most of us would like some milk. Just because I said I’d be down for breakfast doesn’t mean that I’ve automatically signed up for a full English. I only wanted toast.

And finally. There was a large car park. Covered in gravel. You try pulling your wheelie suitcase across gravel. Believe you me, it’s like swimming in treacle.

I’m glad to be home. (WE haz toilet role holdar).

Saturday, 10 September 2011

One brave Lady


This was a female air force pilot ready to ram the remaining Hijacked airliner on 9/11.



I’m off to a party tonight so don’t expect any insightful blogging today.

Friday, 9 September 2011


This is an American Vid but it shows how the Nanny state is determined to gain as much hold over us as possible using dubious statistics at best.

I’m personally getting fed up with being “nudged” into anything. I’ve lived long enough to know what is right for me from a material and moral position.

I’m heartily fed up to the teeth with Fake Charities such as ASH and Alcohol Concern telling me what I should or should not do.

At the very least I expect them to tell the truth, not just make it up as they go along. I mean for Fucks sake, where did ASH get the statistics that “88% of smokers want to give up”. They never consulted this bunny about it. We all know as well that the so called safe limits on alcohol were picked out of thin air.

It would seem that they are still at it

If you haven't already bookmarked the excellent Straight Statistics, you really should. Their latest article is a routine debunking of some routine junk science from Alcohol Con(cern) who came up with the amazing finding that alcohol sales correlate with alcohol consumption. Or, to be precise, that alcohol-related hospital admissions are correlated with the number of off-licenses in an area.

It’s about time that twat Cameron grew a set of balls and cut their public funding. After all if they have the support of the public then the public will donate to them.

And don’t get me started on obesity or salt…………………………………………………

I think I’ll have another cigarette and wash it down with at least 20 units of whisky.

Trouble with overheating?

My service to the motoring public.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

Are you sure you’re having a good life?

I was just reading a blog post Here which reminded me of the days of my youth as well.

Long, long ago back in the days of my youth people were very very careful with their money and what they would spend it on. There was little or no credit as such, occasional store "tick" but that was often measured in weeks not years like today's credit cards, there were also savings schemes like the Co-op "Divi"
Thing was people were very careful with their money as they knew that if it ran out, well you went hungry till you got paid, gardens were for vegetables mostly and anyone who had a allotment was envied.
Seems people though are heading back to those days...

I’m still careful with my money. I have credit cards but only use them in an emergency. A case in point was when I was inadvertently stranded on a Caribbean island and needed to book an onward flight to join my ship. I always used to carry an empty credit card just for those types of emergency.

I was born not long after WW11 and was brought up in an austerity era where most things were in short supply. Butter was still rationed, to give one example.

How society has changed.

Doors used to be left open. Now I have multiple door and window locks, and a burglar alarm.

The local Policeman called you “Sir”. Now you are very lucky to see one.

Politicians were good for their word. The current crop should be strung up from lampposts. (If you need piano wire in the future, give me a call).

Children respected their elders. Now us elders just get shunted off the pavements by feral gangs of school kids.

Schools had strict rules and dress codes. God forbid that you disobeyed the rules. The teachers had the power of gods.

Single mothers were not a thing that was encouraged. marriage was the only true state to bring a family up in. marriage was for life.

Homosexuality was taboo. The word “Gay” meant you were in a happy state enjoying yourself.

Very few people had a fridge, let alone a freezer. The larder was king.

For those who could afford a black and white TV, there was only one channel, broadcasting for only a few hours a day. (Anyone else remember “Muffin the Mule”).

Cars were the spawn of the devil when it came to handling and power. My Austin Cambridge required that you turned the steering wheel at least half a mile before a bend just to get around it.

Holidays were spent on wind swept beaches in the UK. Package Holidays had yet to be invented.

There was no E-mail. But we learnt to write letters in flowing script. A skill that has been lost.

Of course the younger reader will scoff at this post as being the moaning of an Oldie who has had a miserable past.

You’d be wrong.

I had a wonderful childhood. Everyone  helped who they could.  Life was simple but fun.

We learnt to live with what life had dealt us. Are you so sure you have a better life now?

I think not.

Coming to your home soon

Just a warning

I hope you’ve signed up for those obligatory solar panels.



Another Public service broadcast

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Phone fun

At least once a week I’m cold called on the phone by companies trying to get me to install solar panels on my roof. I usually let them waste their time giving their spiel, as it is just about the length of time it takes to boil the kettle and make a mug of coffee.

Of course then I ask innocent sounding questions such as these:

1.  How much will it cost me?

2. Is the equipment guaranteed for at least the life you have quoted me? And will you replace failing equipment for free?

3. What efficiency can be expected near the end of it’s life?

4. Can you guarantee the current rate of feed in Tariff?

5. Have you a free cleaning programme?

6. Who will De-install the equipment at the end of it’s life.

7. What is the life expectancy of the equipment anyway?


Strangely they all seem to hang up on me. I wonder why?

How to



A Public service announcement.

Out of the mouths……………………


A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?'

She calls on little Johnny.

He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking..'


Then little Johnny says, 'I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.

The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'

To which Little Johnny replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'



Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

'Why?' asks the father?

'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies Johnny.

'But that's right!' says his dad.

'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?''

'What's the fucking difference?' asks the father.

'That's what I said!'



Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Johnny says 'Mas-tur-bate..'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'

Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'



One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'

'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'

She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little Johnny.

'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!''



Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.

After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'

Little Johnny replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'

The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'

Little Johnny answered, 'No, he minded his own fucking business.

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

The BBC and Libya

My thoughts that the BBC were institutionally biased were most certainly reinforced by listening to the 6 o’clock news tonight.

The majority of the MSM have been discussing the shenagins of the last government’s involvement in  Libya in various depths, especially extraordinary rendition to that country of dissidents opposed to the Gaddafi regime, and the involvement of MI6, and the SAS.

The Telegraph

The Daily Mail

Of course the BBC was full on with this story of course. Well actually No.

Their main story was the phone hacking scandal. Must bash the Murdochs and that dastardly villain David Cameron. (Though I do agree that he is a shit of the highest order).

It was definitely a programme where their left wing bias shone through. Trying to divert attention from the criminal actions of their favourite party by pushing an item of news that is so yesterday.