NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,current medical report from your doctor and personal recommendation from your clergy.
DATE OF BIRTH_____________
HEIGHT_______ WEIGHT________ IQ______ BMI_________
DRIVERS LICENSE #__________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________
CITY___________ POST CODE______
Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
Number of years they have been married ______________________
If less than your age, explain
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No
B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No
C. A waterbed? __Yes __No
D. A camper with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No
E. A tattoo? __Yes __No
F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No
(IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you?
In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you?
Church you attend
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
C: A woman’s place is in the:
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
E. What do you want to do IF you grow up?
F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:
G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, & RED HOT POKERS.
Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)
Mother’s Signature _________________________
Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)
NOTE: Do NOT apply if you haven’t read the rules here.