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Thursday, 29 July 2010

It's not just Police that harass Photographers (part two)

I recently posted how another blogger was removed from a South Eastern train for photographing two "Rail Enforcement Officers". See Here.

Oh quelle surprise. Look what appeared in his Blog comments.



At first sight it would seem to be an anonymous Blogger venting bile.

However. The IP address that the comment came from


The CW-GO-AHEAD-GROUP is part of the group that runs the train company.

I wonder who it is?

I did send South Eastern this missive. I wonder if they will reply?


I’m somewhat perturbed about an incident doing the rounds of the Blogosphere where two of your REO’s detained one of your customers unlawfully, for taking photos of them. This could be construed as “false imprisonment”

“The crime of false imprisonment can be committed when the victim is restrained physically, like being locked in a car. It can also be committed simply by words, as where intimidation or commands are used, if the victim submits.”

I presume that the REOs that you train will be reminded of their duty to obey the law the same way that you would expect your fare paying passengers to do so.

And this little missive from the Go-ahead-group doesn’t help your cause.

“You could of course go and get a life.
Instead of looking for trouble, why not spend the time doing something worthwhile, like hanging yourself?”

Allegedly sent from Go-ahead group. I’ll give you the IP address for your interest.

Yours Sincerely in anticipation of a reply


Another Silly season story.

flip flop

Flip-flops 'injure 200,000 a year' costing the NHS an astonishing £40m.

Give me strength. Have they nothing else to gripe about?

Go on and read the rest of the drivel here. If you can be bothered.

I suppose they'll be another "Fox attacks Child" story come along in a minute.

Oh Noes.

Girl, 13, attacked by fox which ripped open her tent while she camped with friends in garden

I think I'll go and lie down in a darkened room.

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

It's not just Police that Harass Photographers.



Another story of how jumped up Jobsworths can harass your average citizen by making the law up as they go along.

This time it is in my own county of Kent and the culprits are "Rail Enforcement Thugs Officers. Obviously a cheap version of the British Transport police without the knowledge or adequate training.

This time it is about a Blogger, Olly Cromwell who falls foul of these cretins, by daring to take pictures of the REO's for his blog, on a Railway station. Both he and his partner are removed from the train by these idiots before finally being "freed" by The British Transport Police. Just click on the Olly Cromwell link for the whole story plus updates.

It's about time the forces of law and order actually obeyed the law of the land. Not just made up law to suit themselves. I thing Anna Raccoon has the right remedy.


Rail Enforcement Officer

Job Description

35 hours weekly not including Sundays, Early and Late shifts, weekend and bank holiday working as required


Job Purpose:  To work as a member of the Safer Travel Team, in conjunction with British Transport Police Officers, RPO's and other Southern employees to deter crime and anti social behaviour. To offer outstanding levels of customer service to passengers whilst supporting Southern staff as required. To provide assistance with crowd control and respond to emergencies, providing assistance as required to the police and other emergency services. Ensure compliance with the Criminal Law, the Conditions of Carriage and the railway byelaws by people on the railway, minimising fare evasion and supporting other team members in their responsibilities. Act as an authorised collector within the Southern Penalty Fare Scheme an issue tickets to travel.  Issue Penalty Notices for Disorder and Fixed Penalty Notices in accordance with the law.

Join the Resistance



Facebook site here

Bans and Burqas



Interestingly in light of the furore about bans for face veils and Burqas I came across a poll in the Muslim Women's Network asking the following question.

Should the Face Veil/Burqa be banned?

What surprised me was the answers.

Yes  63.2%

No   36.8%

All I can say is I am surprised. Obviously the women are not as fond of it as we are led to believe.

Offshore bird mincers

wind turbine


I've just been reading a 114 page document on the development of offshore wind farms. Now as my one reader knows, I was a marine engineer for 43 years. One fact I quickly came to realise is that sea water is highly corrosive. therefore I was interested to see what the projected maintenance costs would be over the life of these turbines and supporting structure.

What a wealth of information awaited me in the document.


2.21.Operating and maintenance
The main concern with the regards to maintenance work is the high costs involved with access to the turbines for maintenance and inspections. Furthermore the maintenance can only be conducted during the right weather conditions, which means that the wind turbines can be unproductive for a number of days.
O&M will become more of an issue as we approach the Round 2 and beyond wind
farms, which will be significantly, further offshore. The industry should embark on study to identify as many steps as possible that can lead to a reduction in requirement for access.

Basically it would appear that they haven't a clue. It was just about the smallest paragraph in the document.

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

I give up

From my Niece's facebook page.
Just had a very blonde moment... Walking round the car park looking for a Honda Civic.... Only to realise I'm driving an MG.... Twat'


Says it all really.

Volunteer Police?

Did I really vote for this?


In the biggest shake-up of policing for 50 years, ministers want the public to patrol alongside beat bobbies.

They also intend to recruit up to 50,000 extra special constables to flood crime-plagued neighbourhoods with an army of volunteers.

And villages will be protected by a new breed of 'police reservists', modelled on part-time firemen and the Territorial Army.

That'll work then. Where are all these "volunteers" going to come from? If your working full time how would you fit in the time? If you're not working you would probably be out job hunting.

The coalition government yesterday set out plans for communities to 'reconnect' with police forces which have disappeared behind their desks, engulfed by a flood of red tape.

Firstly I think it should be the Police that should be making the effort to reconnect with the public and not the other way round. Secondly why not just abolish the red tape and sack all the community outreach advisors, Gay and Lesbian diversity co-ordinators, and other useless wastes of space.

'Virtual' get-togethers on social networking websites such as Facebook and Twitter .

How utterly stupid is that one. I could be a mass murderer or a paedophile on facebook.

There is some good news though.

The National Policing Improvement Agency - a quango criticised for lavishing tens of millions of pounds on consultants - will be phased out.

The Association of Chief Police Officers will be told it must become more accountable to the public.

This really is kneejerk politics in the vein of the Blair years. God give me strength.

I really should stop reading the





F.E Mansion is having a much needed upgrade to the central heating after this year's extreme cold spell. In consequence the floor boards are up, the cats have hidden away, and FE has become Tea boy in Chief.

I suppose now that I'm having it done, we'll have mild winters for the next ten years. Damn Global warming.

Monday, 26 July 2010

Injustice again

I'm referring to the decision of the Director of the Crown Prosecution service not to prosecute PC Simon Harwood for the unproved attack on Ian Tomlinson resulting in his death.


I don't normally agree with George Monbiot.

There is a fighting fund being set up by the family for a private prosecution here.

Sunday, 25 July 2010

Arrivederci Roma

Your Italian correspondent is now back from Rome refreshed and broke.

Rome. Wow, what a city. Vibrant, noisy, but oh so full of cultural heritage. And bloody expensive. How an earth,  a glass of beer can cost 4 Euros is beyond me?

If you haven't been there, and you don't mind being reduced to pauper status then you should visit it even once in your life.


Pic: The Trevi Fountain.

If you think that the vuvuzela racket in the last  world cup was noisy, then you will be astounded by the racket produced by the million scooters passing per second, by day and by night. This is then followed every two minutes or so by the chiming of the Ice cream vans Ambulances, picking up the bodies of the scooter riders, culled by the taxis.

Pedestrian crossings are an interesting experience. In the UK you stand at one, and the traffic will stop and let you cross. In Rome if you just stand there, you will die of old age. The strategy is to take your life in your own hands and just walk across and trust in any God (Or just plain lady luck). Funnily enough it works well, although disconcerting at first.

Just in case my kids and and their partners are reading this after racking up my bar bill in my hotel to unimaginable levels. You have drunk your inheritance.

Sunday, 18 July 2010

Post card from Italy.

Weather glorious. 35 deg C.

Beer cold.

Food good.

What’s more to be said.

Your Italian correspondent signing out. next update will be from Rome.

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

And on a lighter note

Muslim of the year


Bound to be on the Fatwa hotlist now.

I'm glad I'm not a tour operator.

I was tasked with booking flights and hotels to a wedding venue in Italy. What a nightmare. Trying to get all the relevant info from all the different parties is like getting blood out of Mount Everest. Still, I suppose it's worth it.

The good news is that I wont be posting absolute drivel on this blog for ten days. (mind you, I have packed my emergency laptop).

The bad news is that in ten days, I'LL BE BACK. Posting drivel on this blog.

Monday, 12 July 2010

So they have made up their tiny little minds.

You remember that gimmicky website, where we were all exhorted to post up which laws we would like to have repealed or amended.

One of the most populated areas was the smoking section with dozens of topics calling for an amendment to the law. And hundreds of comments.

You probably guessed it already. They are just ignoring it


In other words it was just more spin to make us think that they are better than labour.


Sunday, 11 July 2010




In light of the hysteria by some of the populace such as "Mothers against Guns" after the recent spate of killings. Here is an amusing little interview.

One of the smartest replys' on gun phobia to date !! ....
For those who don't know him, Major General Peter Cosgrove is an 'Australian treasure!'

General Cosgrove was interviewed on the radio recently.
You'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you've got to love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of an ABC interview between a female broadcaster and General Cosgrove who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military headquarters.

So, General Cosgrove, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?


I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent.

Saturday, 10 July 2010

And the final sad fairy tale. (Maybe)

Sleeping beauty and her Prince.

sleeping beauty

You were supposed to give her a kiss, you twat.

A fairy tale Hoody

Little Red Riding Hood leaving Grannie's Maccy D franchise.


Fat Chav.

Friday, 9 July 2010

Terror stalks the Land.



The BBC has informed me tonight that I'm in mortal peril. This dragon, meteor strike, plague, heatwave is going to kill millions. So they would like you to believe. FFS I've worked in temperatures of 50 deg C with no ill effects. Just a few sensible precautions are needed such as plenty of fluids, keep out of direct sun where possible, wear loose fitting clothing, and shock horror, increase your salt intake. (The health police are so going to get me for that last one).

The BEEB have even plastered the NHS direct number over their TV weather charts. No doubt if you ring it, stating you feel a bit hot and sweaty, they'll probably suggest you have a swine flue jab.

So chill out folks. Flash up the barbie and have a few cold beers.

*I'm taking the precaution of adding ice to my whisky.

This sad ending to a fishy tale

The Little Mermaid


Sushi sashimi, Yum

I can cut too.

red tape


Here you are, Eric Pickles. Here's the list That I'd cut from my Borough Council. (Note it is not the County Council).

I've struck through the one's I'd axe just to help you.

Area 1 Planning Committee

Area 2 Planning Committee

Area 3 Planning Committee

Audit Committee


Car Parking Charges Advisory Board

Community Development Advisory Board

Community Safety Scrutiny Sub-Committee


Customer Service Improvement Advisory Board

Electoral Review Working Group

Emergency Planning Group

Finance and Property Advisory Board

General Purposes Committee

Housing Associations Liaison Panel

Joint Employee Consultative Committee

Joint Transportation Board

Leisure and Arts Advisory Board

Licensing and Appeals Committee

Licensing and Appeals Committee sitting as a Panel

Local Environmental Management Advisory Board

Management Liaison Panel

Older Persons Issues Advisory Board

Parish Partnership Panel

Planning and Transportation Advisory Board

Policy Overview Committee

Public Transport Panel

Rural Affairs Advisory Board

Scrutiny Committee

Standards Assessment Sub-Committee

Standards Committee

Standards Hearings Sub-Committee

Standards Review Sub-Committee

Strategic Housing Advisory Board

Tonbridge Forum

Tonbridge Town Centre Panel

Town and Parish Councils Standards Sub-Committee

Twinning Committee


Maybe I'm being too drastic. Then again maybe not. I'm getting on in years but I can't for the life of me think I need an Older Persons Issues Advisory Board .

Eastern Promise

This is what Jasmine from Aladdin ends up as.


As she's holding an M16, then she's probably working undercover for the CIA.

Shall I, Shan't I? That is the question.

Anyone fancy another Fairy Tale ending or shall I quit whilst I'm ahead?

Previously on 24

Thursday, 8 July 2010

Another fairy tale ending.

Snow White.

snow white

You know you really should have gone on the pill. And send that lazy Prince out to work.

How fairy tales really end



Bloody floozy.

More later.




WTF is a Flexible Learning Space? I'm sure in my day they were called Classrooms.

I've just been listening to some teaching Biddy banging on about how her school needs new buildings. She's bemoaning the fact that the buildings were only built with a shelf life of 25 years and Oh dear, they've lasted for 40.

Shut up you old Harridan. We've no money.

Oh and now they are banging on about obesity.

I think I'll go and lie down in a darkened room.

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Oooh err

I Think I've got blogger's cramp. My fingers are not doing what they are supposed to do on the keybourd.

Or could it be the demon drink that has demonically take my blogging soul tonight.


picture below describes my computer till I cleaned the crap out of the fan duct.


I don't think I'll go to the USA.

These are some of the questions you'll be asked when you go to get a visa.

  • Are you coming to the United States to engage in prostitution or unlawful commercialized vice or have you been engaged in prostitution or procuring prostitutes within the past 10 years?
  • Have you ever been involved in, or do you seek to engage in, money laundering?
  • Do you have a mental or physical disorder that poses or is likely to pose a threat to the safety or welfare of yourself or others?
  • Do you seek to engage in espionage, sabotage, export control violations, or any other illegal activity while in the United States?
  • Do you seek to engage in terrorist activities while in the United States or have you ever engaged in terrorist activities?
  • Have you, while serving as a government official, been responsible for or directly carried out, at any time, particularly severe violations of religious freedom?
  • Have you committed, ordered, incited, assisted, or otherwise participated in extrajudicial killings, political killings, or other acts of violence?
  • Have you ever committed, ordered, incited, assisted, or otherwise participated in torture?
  • Have you ever ordered, incited, committed, assisted, or otherwise participated in genocide?
  • Have you ever or do you intend to provide financial assistance or other support to terrorists or terrorist organizations?

What is the point of asking these questions? If you're a terrorist or other criminal you're hardly likely to say Yes. Are you?




Don't you hate holidays. At least the booking of them. I'd arranged for ten of us to travel to Lake Garda for a wedding this month. After the wedding we were all going to split up and go our separate ways. (FE and his wife are going on to Rome as we've never been there). All parties were asked to book their own travel arrangements after the Lake Garda stay. Simple.

Oh Noes.

One party forgot.

FE has spent the last hour trying to extend their stay till the party's flight date. God knows what my phone bill will be after an hour on the phone, ringing Italian hotels. The upside is that my Italian is a tad better than it was an hour ago.

Tuesday, 6 July 2010

The whining goes on.

Schools this time.

Headteachers condemned “devastating” spending cuts today after the Government axed plans to rebuild 170 run-down secondaries in London.

Teachers warned that children would be left in “Dickensian” conditions in crumbling classrooms while fears grew that the construction industry would also be devastated by the cuts.

Two pleas used there. Dickensian and the Construction Industry.

Now your Blog Host had to put up with far worse when he went to school.

Our sleeping quarters were onboard a rusting hulk moored in the middle of a river. The roof beneath which we slept was made of corrugated tin with no insulation and wasn't particularly waterproof.



 Pic: HMS Gannet as restored in Chatham Dockyard

To get to breakfast and the school buildings we had to row ashore in a leaky old boat. If it rained, tough titty.

And believe it or not my parents paid for me to live in conditions that would have your average member of the prison population, in full scale riot.

Sir William Atkinson, head of Phoenix High School in Shepherd's Bush, said: “It is devastating news.” He added that children faced an unfair, “two-speed” education system with some pupils in dazzling new facilities while others were condemned to “antiquated, inadequate buildings”.

It's not the quality of the bricks and mortar that count. It's the standard of teaching and discipline that's important. And that seems to be sadly lacking these days.

A Policeman's lot is not a happy one.

My saga continues.

Parts one and two if you missed them.











That's it folks.

Monday, 5 July 2010

Another fake charity

I'm quite happy to donate to charity if I so desire. But why should the government donate for me without my permission?

Here's another example of the last government trying to hide their agenda by paying a fake charity to act to support their Multi-Culti social experiment. The ConLib coalition needs to stop this sort of funding now.

British Refugee Council

UK Charity Number: 1014576


Stated Aims

The British Refugee Council currently campaigns for failed asylum seekers/illegal immigrants to receive state benefits and to be given the right to work. As a member of the Get Fair coalition, it calls for the government to spend a further £4 billion on benefits and an increase in benefits for jobseekers and asylum seekers.

Failed asylum seekers/illegal immigrants to get benefits? Surely a plane ticket is all that should be paid for? And to be repaid.


Its 2007/08 accounts show a total income of £18,820,000, of which:

  • Border & Immigration Agency: £12,881,000
  • Leeds City Council: £221,000
  • Barnsley City Council: £175,000
  • Norfolk County Council: £138,000
  • Dept. of Health: £50,000
  • ---
  • Total £13,465,000 (71.5% of all income)

It received a further £163,000 from the Lottery.

This gravy train is firmly welded to the platform.

Some things you may hear on the London Underground.


1: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction."

2:  "Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."

3: "Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination."

4:  "Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall.....'."

5:  "We are now travelling through Baker Street ... As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that".

6:  "Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."

7:  During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are not provided."

8:  "Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (Pause .) "Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care - I'm going home...."

9:  "Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions."

10:  "Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors."

11:  "We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door."

12:  "To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage - what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"

13:  "Please move all baggage away from the doors." (Pause..) "Please move ALL belongings away from the doors." (Pause...) "This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bl**dy golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your a**e!"

14:   "May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage."

Useless Plod


Raoul Moat


It makes you wonder whether we should just disband the police and start again.

Police were warned that a gunman who shot his ex-partner and killed her new boyfriend might have been planning the attack.

Temporary Chief Constable Sue Sim said that prison authorities alerted them to the threat the day after Raoul Moat was released.

Hopefully her appointment will be very temporary. This is a real life parody of my ladybird saga. More......

The Saga continues

The continuing tale of a Policeman's lot.

Part one is here if you haven't read it.











Enough of this tomfoolery for today. More tommorrow.

Sunday, 4 July 2010

The ladybird saga will continue tomorrow

Be prepared for homosexuality, malpractice, and down right chicanery

Charity donations required.



My Son is going to enter the Great North Run in aid of the charity Kidscan. If you feel you can donate a bob or two please feel free to visit the widget at the top of my side bar.

I will be giving away a free video of my son collapsing in a heap to anyone who wants it, after the event.

Ladybird continued.

Latter day policing. Or is it?


Click on an image to enlarge.










It gets better. Do you want me to continue?

Don't do this at home.

You naughty boy.


Saturday, 3 July 2010

Ladybird book three.

There's something wrong with the picture. What is it?





It's a Policeman on the street.

People at work.

I hope you've read book 1. I really should be in the education business.



How it works.

I remember these books from my childhood. Though not quite the subject in the picture below. We didn't have computers then.


Friday, 2 July 2010



Seven Kinds Of Sex ...

The 1st kind of sex is called ... Smurf Sex.

This kind of sex happens when you first meet

someone and you both have sex until you are

blue in the face.


The 2nd kind of sex is called ... Kitchen Sex.

This is when you have been with your partner for

a short time and you are so needy you will have

sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.


The 3rd kind of sex is called ... Bedroom Sex.

This is when you have been with your partner for a

long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you

usually have sex only in your bedroom.


The 4th kind of sex is called ... Hallway Sex.

This is when you have been with your partner for too

long. When you pass each other in the hallway you

both say ..... 'F**k You.'


The 5th kind of sex is called ... Religious Sex.

Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the

afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)


The 6th kind is called ... Courtroom Sex.

This is when you cannot stand your wife/husband any more. She/he

takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.


And . Last ... But not least ....

The 7th kind of sex is called ... Social Security Sex.

You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy your self.

Thursday, 1 July 2010

And my nomination for the Oscars is....


Damn media bias

A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.
Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has watched the whole event.   The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, that was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.' 
The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars.   I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.' 
The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed.   I'm a journalist, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page.   So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican.' 
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys the paper to see news of his actions, and reads, on the front page: 



That pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days.

Government requests for Data

I've just been pointed to an interesting part of Google that shows by country, the number of requests for data by governments.

Have a look at the Google page if you're interested.

Clean sweep

Oh Nose.

Do your bit.

Go over HERE to let the coalition government know which laws you think should be abolished.