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Friday, 30 January 2009

Another tax

Another initiative, announced by the government, is to give everyone broadband access. Very laudable in the spin sense.


it looks like those that already pay for it, will be hit with a charge of £20 to subsidise the chav scum to get faster access with their console, to access their mind numbing games whilst they sit at home on their disability benefit.

Anyone got a sharp knife so I can slash my wrists?

Headline: Sailor to firebomb government sponsored charity

But the old sea shanty What Shall We Do With The Drunken Sailor? may finally be sunk by a broadside from the good ship Political Correctness.

The government-funded charity Bookstart, which promotes reading for children around the country, has changed the lyrics to remove any reference to alcohol.

Why can't they keep their noses out of things they'll never understand? I've always been a drunken sailor. Since when have pirates been grumpy?

In fact this so-called charity, Bookstart, are making out, that these murdering, scum of the seas, (Pirates in case you get confused), are just a little bit upset.

I presume that to guarantee the tax free government handout, they are towing the anti drinking propaganda line now being peddled.

They can fuck off. I shall pour myself a stiff one to calm down.

Could this happen?

Anchors away!

The Master

RFA Wave Goodbye

BFPO 999

    Dear Sir,

      It is with much regret and haste that I write this letter to you, regret that such a small misunderstanding could lead to the following circumstances, and haste in order that you will get this report before you form your own preconceived opinions from the reports in the world press, for I am sure that they will tend to over dramatise the affair.

      We had just picked up the pilot and the cadet had just returned from changing the “G” flag for the “H” flag. Being the cadets first trip he was having difficulty in rolling up the “G” flag up. I therefore proceeded to show him. Coming to the last part I told him to “let go”. The lad although willing is not to bright, necessitating me having to repeat my instruction in a sharper tone.

      At this moment the Chief Officer appeared from the chart room having been plotting the vessels progress, and thinking that I was referring to the anchor, he instructed the Third Officer on the forecastle to “Let Go”. The Port anchor having been cleared away but not walked out was promptly let go. The effect of letting the anchor drop from the “pipe” while the vessel was proceeding at full harbour speed proved to much for the windlass brake, and the entire length of the port anchor cable was pulled out “by the roots”. I fear that the damage to the chain locker will require extensive repairs. The braking effect of the port anchor naturally caused the vessel to shear in that direction, right towards the swing bridge that spans the tributary to the river up which were proceeding.

      The swing bridge operator showed great presence of mind by opening the bridge for my vessel. Unfortunately he did not think to stop the vehicular traffic, the result being that the bridge partly opened and deposited a volkswagon, two cyclists and a cattle truck on the foredeck. My ships company are at present rounding up the contents of the latter, which from the noise I would say were pigs.

      In his efforts to stop the progress of the vessel. The Third Officer dropped the starboard anchor, too late to be of any practical use, for it fell on the swing bridge operators cabin. We believe him to be in fairly good health as would could just see him by the light of the numerous small fires as he waved vigourously to the ship as he was taken away in the ambulance.

      I digress, just after the port anchor was let go and the vessel started to shear, I gave a double ring full astern on the engine room telegraph and personally rang the engine room to order maximum astern revolutions. I was informed that the sea water temperature was 53 degrees and asked what tonight’s video was, my reply would not add anything constructive to this report.

      Up until now my report has been limited to the forward end of the vessel. Down aft the Second Mate was having his own problems. At the moment that the port anchor was let go, the Second Mate was supervising the making fast of the after tug and was lowering the ships towing spring down to the tug.

      The sudden braking effect of the port anchor caused the tug to “run in under” the stern of my vessel, just at the moment when the propeller was answering my double ring full astern. The prompt action of the Second Mate in securing the inboard end of the towing spring delayed the sinking of the tug by some two minutes, thereby allowing the safe abandoning of the tug.

      It was strange, but at the very same time as letting go the port anchor there was a power cut ashore. The fact we were passing over a cable area at the time might suggest that we may have touched something on the river bottom. It is perhaps lucky that the high tension cables brought down by the foremast were not live, possibly being replaced by the underwater cable, but owing to the shore blackout it is not possible to determine where the power pylon has fallen at this time.

      It has never failed to amaze me, the actions and behaviour of foreigners during moments on minor crisis. The pilot for instance is at this moment huddled in the corner of my day cabin, alternately crooning to himself and crying after having consumed a bottle of my best gin in a time that would have been worthy of inclusion in the Guinness Book of Records. The tug captain on the other hand has proved difficult, he reacted violently and had to be restrained by the steward, who has him safely handcuffed in the ships hospital, where he is reportedly telling me to do impossible things with my ship and my person.

      I enclose the names and addresses of the drivers and insurance companies of the vehicles on my foredeck, which the Third Officer collected after the somewhat hurried evacuation of the forecastle. These particulars will enable you to claim for the damage they did to the railings of No1 hold.

      I shall now close this preliminary report, for I am finding it difficult to concentrate with the sound of the police sirens and their flashing blue lights, and the noise from the pigs.

      Humbly yours

      A.N. Other


      P.S. It is sad to think that none of this would have happened, had the cadet realised that there is no need to fly pilot flags after dark.

Thursday, 29 January 2009

Think of the children

I was staggered to hear last night that the projected forecast for us to return to the debt levels in 2008 will be. wait for it, 2030!

How on earth can a government screw us up, so Royally, in such a short time?

Oh, I forgot, it's what labour do best.

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Practical agony Aunt

Just a little thought.........

As you may, or may not have noticed, my profile gives my profession as a Marine Engineer.

If you consider that running a ship is like driving a small town at 25 MPH through the water 24 hours a day,I may be of help to anyone that needs some advice.

Skills needed:

Diesel Engineering knowledge: Must keep the ship moving and generate Elecricity.

Plumbing: Who do think fixes the washbasin etc?

Sewage disposal: Someone has to keep the toilet system going. otherwise we are up to our necks in it.

Electrics: Modern ships require a comprehensive knowledge of all things electrical. Can't have the cookers breakdown.

Workshop skills: Need these to build a barbecue when the cookers have broken down.

Air conditioning: Really important skills when in the Red sea or in the arctic. Phew it's hot, or I'm bloody freezing.

Refrigeration knowledge: Wouldn't want the steak to defrost would we?

Firefighting: Have you ever seen an amphibious fire engine with a 2000 mile range. Nor me. Believe me this skill is rather important.

Bar management: Believed by most seafarers to be the most important. Treasurer is best. it gives you the chance to practice Boom and bust. Mind you, Mess President gives you the chance to play at being PM.

Any way, to cut a long story short, anyone requiring need of advice in any of these skills, just post here.

If I can't help you, I can always run off and start another blog under an assumed name.

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

Bloody EU lightbulbs

Our recent page on those bloody low-energy light-bulbs the EU and the government are bullying us into using prompted a couple of interesting replies from readers …

Malcolm wrote …

Thanks for your enlightening (pun intended) post about light bulbs. You may be interested in a bit more information about these so-called low energy lamps.

For a start, they're not all that low energy. It's been estimated that it takes 20 KWHrs of electricity to make one. That's a lot of energy.

Next. They are full of electronics and have no power factor correction. It's a bit complicated to explain unless you know a bit of physics but the net result is that they actually use about twice the power that that are supposed to, although only half of this is picked up at the meter. The other half is dissipated as heat in the supply cables and although you aren't charged for it, the power companies still have to generate it.

To continue, they are very dim when first switched on - no use for stair lighting and the like when you need light straight away.

They generally don't have the life claimed for them. They are OK if left on all the time but every time they are switched on it shortens their life.

Unlike an incandescent bulb which just fails safely at the end of its life, low energy lamps can overheat, melt and cause a fire hazard.

They generally can't be used with dimmer switches. They may appear to work (sort of) but overheat.

They can't be used in enclosed light fittings because they will overheat.

An ordinary incandescent lamp is easily recycled or disposed of. Landfill's OK. It's only made out of glass, steel, a tiny bit of tungsten, some lead-free solder and a bit of pitch or plastic. Even the gas inside is only argon or nitrogen. We get it from the air anyway and it just goes back to where it came from.

With low energy lamps, it's not just the mercury inside them. There's a lot of plastic from the casing and phenolics from the circuit board, silicon and all sorts of plastic and nasty chemicals from the electronic components.

In fact a recycling nightmare.

I just hope that we, as Australia seems to have done, drop all ideas of removing conventional light bulbs from sale.

It appears that, on the back of the Global Warming/Climate Change con, some self-serving tw@s somewhere are going to make a packet out of low energy light bulbs. They'll charge us over the odds to buy them once there's no alternative. Then they'll charge us again to get rid of them.

Best wishes …

… while Pete had this to add …

There seems to be a lot of misinformation peddled about compact fluorescents by journos who basically don't know what they are writing about. I would like therefore to present some facts:

1) ALL fluorescent tubes contain mercury and have done since their introduction early in the 20th century. The amount contained in a full-sized tube is a drop roughly 1mm in diameter. The amount contained in a compact fluorescent lamp would need a microscope to see it - honestly.

2) Fluorescent tubes work by passing electricity through mercury vapour to generate ultraviolet light which in turn causes the phosphor (the white stuff on the wall of the tube) to glow. The mercury vapour is at such a low pressure that inside the tube is to all intents and purposes a vacuum.

3) The environmental problem associated with compact fluorescents isn't the minuscule amount of mercury they contain (which in fact will most probably be unrecoverable) rather the electronic components in the ballast contained in the base of the lamp. These take a hammering during the life of the lamp and are most certainly not reusable. The chemicals in the phosphor are of very low toxicity and can be recycled.

My credentials? Radio and electronics engineer of some 40 years' standing.

The Nanny State has really got its knickers in a twist regarding mercury, and any story involving mercury is always good for a meeja feeding frenzy. Juts a couple of feet from where I'm sitting now are two mercury vapour rectifiers. Each of them has roughly a teaspoonful of mercury sloshing about inside. I'd love to see the look on the faces of some 'Elf'n'Safety prodnose who saw them!

Best wishes …

Our thanks to both contributors.

As the Captain said in response to Pete's missive, the real issue is that these tossers are telling us what to do in our own houses and manipulating the law to make us comply, and it's none of their bloody business what we screw in our light-sockets. We already can't buy creosote in B&Q, or Thawpit Spot-remover, or that vicious weed-killer you used to put on tree stumps and, frankly, enough is enough.


Thanks to:

Ooh er

My Political Views
I am a right social moderate
Right: 3.36, Libertarian: 0.62

Political Spectrum Quiz


More crap from the NHS with regard to carbon emissions.

Patients should phone their GP rather than drive in for a visit, according to National Health Service guidelines unveiled today.

Ministers want family doctors to hold more 'phone-in' surgeries to help the environment by cutting carbon emissions from cars.

They also want hospitals to achieve their green targets by reducing the amount of meat they serve to patients in wards.

Patient groups said the 'telemedicine' plans were fraught with danger because a misdiagnosis over the phone could lead to incorrect treatment and even death.

The Government says action is needed because the NHS is responsible for a quarter of all the carbon dioxide emissions produced by the public sector.

I've a good mind to phone NHS direct and give them the symptoms of Cholera or some such exotic disease. They'll most likely tell me I've got a cold and to take an Asprin. If I feel ill, then I'll damn well drive to the Doc. I pay his wages after all.

Monday, 26 January 2009

Now when I'm ill I'll have to be a fruit bat

From the Guardian

Now some pompous twat, from the Sustainable development unit, (Eyes roll) has decided that he is going to jump on to the climate change bandwagon, by taking meat off the menus in Hospital.

"This is not just about doing things more efficiently, it's about doing things differently, because efficiency is not going to get us to big cuts," said Pencheon. "What will healthcare look like in 2030-2040 in a very low carbon society? It will not look anything like it looks now."

He then finishes off with

"As one of the world's largest organisations, the NHS has a national and international imperative to act in order to make a real difference and to set an important example."

Surely the pontificating C**t should be there to treat me, (I like meat) in my old age. What is international about our health service? Oh, I forgot, we have to treat all those health tourists who haven't paid a penny in NI contributions.

I am an EU criminal

just thought I might see if I was more of a criminal than Snow wolf:

Offences related to waste - Check. If the black bin is full, then into the green bin.(do not tell the wife!)

Unintentional environmental offences - Check. Drought order. My garden comes first.

Insult of the State, Nation or State symbols - Check. Bloody F*****g EU
Insult or resistance to a representative of public authority - Check, see above.

Public order offences, breach of the public peace - Clean as the driven snow

Revealing a secret or breaching an obligation of secrecy - Mmmm, better not say too much.

Unintentional damage or destruction of property - Check. Set the scout hut on fire

Offences against migration law - an "Open category" (offences undefined thus all encompassing) - Not done this one.

Offences against military obligations - an "Open category" (offences undefined thus all encompassing) - Probably

Unauthorised entry or residence - Yes, but don't tell my sister

Other offences an "Open category" (offences undefined thus all encompassing) - Guilty M'lud

Other unintentional offences - See above.

Prohibition from frequenting some places - Banned from the Officers bar

Prohibition from entry to a mass event - Not done this one.

Placement under electronic surveillance ("fixed or mobile" - eg: home, car, mobile phone etc) - We will be shortly by the EU, so yes to this.

Withdrawal of a hunting / fishing license - Nope
Prohibition to play certain games/sports - Check. I was useless, so they wouldn't pick me at school

Prohibition from national territory - Not yet.

Personal obligation - an "Open category" (offences undefined thus all encompassing) - mmmm

"Fine" - all fines. inc minor non-criminal offences - Check. does no MOT, count

We really are fucked, aren't we.

New to all this

As you can see from the title, I'm new to this. So treat me gently(or not as the case may be).

I decided to start a Blog, as I am increasingly appalled at the way this country is going to the dogs under a Labour government. So for that reason I have decided to stand up and be counted. Having seen the power of the Blogosphere in the last few days, it at last seems that the individual can make a difference.